By DON HOWELL

Here’s a jaw dropper! A group of Islamic clerics is asking that the way time is measured be changed.  They want to switch from Greenwich Mean Time (Greenwich England) to Mecca Mean Time.  They believe that Mecca is the center of the world so all time should be measured from that point. 

At first glance I was appalled by this idea then I began to look a little more closely. Believe it or not there are some benefits to going to MMT.

Just think. You arrive at work at 10 a.m. on Wednesday instead of 8 a.m. Your boss comes up and says, “You’re late. You’re fired.” What do you say? 

You casually glance at your watch and say, “but boss, I’m not late.  According to MMT it is 5:30 p.m. and I’m going home.  It is half an hour past quitting time. 

“Not only is it quitting time. It’s Thursday instead of Wednesday so I have worked an extra day and now I am on over time and I can hardly wait for tomorrow because the old Thursday is now the new Friday.” 

See what I mean? What’s the boss going to say? If he argues for 10 a.m. GMT, you just call one of your new friends who sends over someone wearing a C-4 vest who is eager for his 26 virgins. Problem solved, except you have to wait for the building to be repaired before you resume work.

Come to think of it, this idea of changing the reference point for time is not new. There already are some people who think they are the center of the Universe. For instance, look at Paris Hilton.  She seems to think the whole world revolves around her and what she wants. 

The same could be said for Lindsey Lohan, Brittany Spears, Tom Cruise and Sean Penn. They seem to believe that the only pronouncements worth hearing are those coming from their mouths. 

Penn is now a political pundit and expert on global warming. After all, he is a star and measures things according to PMT (Penn Mean Time).

Brittany certainly doesn’t care what the Judge says. She is determined to show up for court whenever she pleases. The only explanation is that she measures time according to BMT (Brittany Mean Time).

I believe I will now declare myself the center of the world and demand that time be measured according to wherever I am at any given moment. I will no longer be late for any appointment. I will now demand that whomever I meet adjust their watch to accommodate DMT (Don Mean Time). 

Therefore I can be in absolute control of everyone and every situation. Sounds pretty good to me.

Don’t scoff at the absurdity going from GMT to MMT.  It just could happen. After all, there are now foot washing basins to accommodate Islams in airports and schools. Meals are being adjusted to accommodate religious beliefs. England and France are considering incorporating elements of Islamic law into their legal code.

I have just one question. What happened to separation of church and state? Oh, I know. That law only applies when it is a Christian church.