By CLAY MERCER

I like the simple life. Notice that I said that I like the simple life, not that I live a simple life. Life has a way of getting complicated no matter how hard you try to keep it simple.

I put all the blame for a complicated life on Madison Avenue. Yes, Madison Avenue in New York City. That’s where all the big advertising agencies are located.

I don’t watch that much television. For one thing, we don’t have cable or satellite hookups, so what television we get is limited to the networks and PBS. Most of my television viewing involves NASCAR, so it’s a fair statement to say that the television commercials I see are somewhat limited in scope.

Some of these advertisements are humorous, even hysterical. Most of them, however, insult my intelligence, and more than a few have degenerated into a modern form of selling snake oil.

But that’s not what I’m referring to when I blame Madison Avenue for a complicated life.

Let me illustrate my point before I make it.

How was Christmas last year? Hectic, was it? Of course it was. We started seeing the Christmas lights go up in the first part of November and by Thanksgiving hustle and bustle weren’t just minor annoyances. Hustle and Bustle had become two evil twins who were controlling our lives as if we had become mindless puppets.

We wound up going to parties we didn’t have time for and hosting parties we didn’t want to host because we owed it to the hosts of the parties we had attended. Office parties, family gatherings, shopping, shopping, shopping….I could go on all day.

And who, tell me who, has ever said, “Christmas is too commercialized.” Why, everyone of course. And, now then, who has ever said, “Christmas needs to be more commercialized.” Those greedy scoundrels on Madison Avenue, that’s who.

The trouble, for Madison Avenue, is that Christmas couldn’t be more commercialized if Jesus had been twins. The answer, for Madison Avenue, then is to go out and commercialize everything else. And THAT, friends and neighbors, is my point.

The Bass Pro Shops summer sale catalogue came in the mail the other day, along with overdue notices from the bank, the tax collector, and Verizon. There were also two urgent requests for money from the NRA as well as two pre-approved credit card applications and bill from the hospital.

As I was flipping through the Bass Pro Shops catalogue, I began to wonder when we started needing all this complicated garbage to go fishing. I realized then that my error was interpreting the presence of the products in the catalogue to mean that I actually needed those products.

I don’t need a rod mounted electronic fish finder or a waterproof video camera/CRT monitor to go snoop out where the fish are located. The most complicated piece of equipment I need for fishing is a trolling motor, and I already have one of those.

As for the rest of society, I am encouraged by a recently conducted poll. A cross section of teen-agers was asked what single item they would consider absolutely necessary if they had to be stranded on a deserted island.